Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The unexpected text.

I woke up yesterday, expecting the only newness to be my new schedule due to the new semester. I grabbed my phone like always, unplugged it from the charger, checked the time, and saw I had two new texts. The first I looked at was from my friend, about a guy from the summer who is a Twitter whore and we like to laugh about. Tis all good fun.

The second message was from a number I didn't have saved into my phone and I opened it thinking "who could this be?" But it was very clear to me after I read the message and looked at the number again who it was. It was that character from Neverland I told ya'll about a post or two back. I was shocked and confused and intrigued all at the same time. Here's how our conversation went:

Just out of curiosity, why aren't we friends on facebook anymore?
Because it's easier for me.
Easier for you to do what?
Forget about you.
Hmmm. Alright. So we're just gonna completely forget about eachotehr? How is that gonna work at TEC? (For those of you who don't know, TEC is a religious retreat thing that we are both involved with)
Well the only times I'm forced to remember you are TEC and when Kirsten mentions you. (Kirsten is his girlfriend who happens to be my friend)
I thought you didn't care anymore?
Care about what?
Mentioning me or anything. You make it sound like a bad thing, but you kept trying to get us to be friends again.
Not anymore.
I can see that. I thought we could at least be civilized though, if you know what I mean.
I have to be the one to be civilized? (Then I said something I don't remember cause my phone deleted my texts but kept his)
Well i think it's obvious that neither of us watn to establish any sort of close friendship. I just thought that with TEC and everything, we could at least not be upset with each other.
I'm not upset, I just don't want to talk to you. (Or something to that effect)
Hmmm. So we're just gonna ignore each other for good then?
Well if you want to talk to me, I'll answer, but I'm not going to make a point to talk to you.
Hmmm. Alright.
Isn't that what you did to me? (It is. In fact, it is much less than he did to me.)
In a sense, I suppose.
It is.
So are you questioning why I'm acting like you did?
I'm just wondering why it changed all of a sudden.
It changed a long time ago.

I didn't think until after to mention how incredibly happy I am without him messing up my life, and I didn't want to start a conversation and such. So that's the end of that.

Monday, January 24, 2011

A song by yours truly.


The shooting stars above our heads
Are all the wishes I once had
Now darling they don't mean a thing
Cause with you I have everything
Some may say what we have
Will die within a day
But you and I both know
It's more than real, it's everything

Oh when you say it'll be alright
And try and try to make me smile
I know that you're the one for me
It couldn't be more right
I look into those beautiful eyes
And know everything's alright

Guided by what we know
And what we've yet to find
I know we'll make it out alive
And conquer everything
Oh darling I once thought
I'd never be free of hurt
Then you came into my life
And showed me what it's worth

Oh when you say it'll be alright
And try and try to make me smile
I know that you're the one for me
It couldn't be more right
I look into those beautiful eyes
And know everything's alright

You're all I need
You're everything

Oh when you say it'll be alright
And try and try to make me smile
I know that you're the one for me
It couldn't be more right
I look into those beautiful eyes
And know everything's alright

*Guitar part has yet to be written

And now for some cliche lovey-dovey pictures that I enjoy. (I think the last one just might be my favorite.)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Neverland is improbable.

Sometimes my brain travels to Neverland, where the most improbable things happen. Like a few nights ago one of my many adventures in Neverland featured a character from my past. Nowadays, I only get glimpses of him from his girlfriend, who happens to be my friend. There is an extensive history that I don't particularly care to get into pretty much ever again, so we'll just say I used to be close with this character. So anyway, he's had many an appearance in Neverland.

Lately, our storyline out in Neverland has gone something like this: I'm going about my business ignoring him (because of our extensive and complicated past, it's just better for me to pretend like he doesn't exist in my life anymore), and he decides he finally wants to talk to me. Me, being polite, agrees. He wants to know why I've been ignoring him. I explain, and the conversation continues. It ends with me completely calm and him confused and maybe even a bit reminiscent and sad. I say one of those classic, perfect, "we probably will never speak again and that's fine by me" lines you'd hear in a movie and leave.

But in reality, he'll probably never speak to me again.

And that's just fine by me.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Life's crazy when you think.

I have a story, you have a story. I'm not what people might think I am, and you probably aren't either. Everyone has something they're hiding from the world. Everyone likes to think we're individuals. Not very many people remember that everyone has secrets. They think they're the only ones with a story to tell. But everyone does. So if everyone has a secret or two, we're all alike in at least that aspect. Then our individuality starts to crumble and fade. We start realizing how much we are like everyone around us. We aren't really as original as we'd like to think. Pretty much everyone can fit into some sort of group which also takes away our individuality. So now our whole view on ourselves and society has been jumbled and reorganized and we're realizing that life really isn't what we might have thought it was.

Sorry, that was most likely very confusing and hard to follow and such. My mind has been frazzled all day for various reasons and I can't really think straight. That's what comes out when this happens.

Monday, January 17, 2011

I need to be consistent.

Sometimes I'm wonderfully healthy.

But then sometimes I'm not.

But I'm not going to let that define me.

Many more pictures than thoughts.

 Not gonna lie, I kinda want these.

 I don't know what to believe anymore.

I'm rather fascinated with makeup lately.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I'm such a hypocrite.

I say and post things like

When all I feel most of the time is 

What is love? (Baby don't hurt me...)

My favorites are Billy's and Terri's.

I once wrote out what I thought love was. The only one I remember at the moment is "Love is trusting someone when you can't trust yourself." I'd tell you guys the other ones but I can't remember and I'm too lazy to go get my notebook :)

Monday, January 3, 2011

Pictures and thoughts, pictures and thoughts and dedications.

When I get published, my dedication will go something like this (except with names where the blanks are):

To _____, for reminding me everyone deserves to be helped and is capable of helping.
To _____, for reminding me stereotypes and rumors can be completely wrong.
To _____, for reminding me everyone is beautiful and to be myself.
To _____, for reminding me life is beautiful even in the darkest days.
To _____, for reminding me to be completely silly sometimes.
To _____, for reminding me a broken heart can always heal.
To _____, for reminding me disorders don't define a person.
To _____, for reminding me that I am worth something.
To _____, for reminding me God works through people.
To _____, for reminding me what true friendship is and that music is theraputic.
To _____, for reminding me that a sister is forever, even if not biological.
To _____, for reminding me to show those I love that I care.
To _____, for reminding me that mistakes are necessary.

I love Pokemon :)

I'm kinda into glitter lately. But NOT like Edward Cullen. Ickk.
I love this even though I greatly prefer sunsets to sunrises. Mostly because I can't get up early enough to watch sunrises.
Someone buy me one of these? But less pentagon-y.

I love Totoro and wish someone would do this to my shoes..

I have decided I want to get my tattoo sometime soon, before I go to college.

Don't ask, don't tell.

So I haven't posted much actual thought in a while and thought I would.

I kinda wanna talk about the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and gay rights in general. Frankly, I think the repeal is wonderful. Restricting the right of gays who wanted to serve their country is ridiculous. Why the hell should they be denied what they want, just because they are openly gay? It's not like they're gonna try to distract the other soldiers and turn them gay or anything. They're just like anyone else and can control their urges just like anyone else. If you're fighting in a war, the last thing you need to worry about is whether or not the person next to you likes the same gender.

I think this is a wonderful step forward in the whole making homosexuals equal to heterosexuals movement. I'm all for it. Why should something as simple as who a person wants to spend forever with be such a deal breaker? A person could be the greatest person you've ever met and once you find out that person is homosexual, you can't be their friend anymore? I'm sorry, but that's on my list of Stupidest Things I've Ever Heard. They're just like you and me.

And that whole, "I have to cure you of your gay" thing? Are you fricken kidding me? There are studies that have shown there is a biological difference in homosexuals. It's in their genes! They can't help who they love, just like you.

It's not the people that don't like gays, that upset me. It's the people that make a big deal about it. Those people who openly discriminate against them and put them down and make them feel like shit for something they can't help. Just live your own life. Don't try to control others'. If they're happy, what should it matter? That goes for everything, not just homosexuality.

Don't judge.