Monday, December 6, 2010

Let it happen.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about myself. Not self-centeredly and not disregarding others. Just reflecting on who I've become. I've decided I've really started finding who I truly am.

I'm not super outgoing. I'm not loud upon first meeting. I don't go clubbing, drink, smoke, or do drugs. I tend to get quiet in situations that make me uncomfortable. I've stopped hanging out with people my own age. I still get jealous easily and have to fight myself not to say things that I know will get me in trouble in some way or another. I have low self esteem and get self conscious when I'm around girls I think are gorgeous and have perfect bodies. When I need to most, I can't understand that people actually care about me.

But I can be loud and random after getting to know someone. The people my own age quit including me, and the younger ones do, so why would I waste my time on people just because they're the same age as me? I tend to write and paint a lot, and mess around on my guitars. I watch weird movies and like weird music. There are times where I think I'm pretty and skinny.

I really do think I've changed from the person I used to be. Maybe not a whole lot, but I have. What has changed me? Past relationships that have taught me what I do and do not need, friends who have shown their indifference and those who have shown they actually care, and a boyfriend who I trust with my life and care about more than anything who reminds me that I deserve to be happy.

So if you feel like you're changing, remember it might be for the best. I know I'm much happier than I was.

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